Fuh ! 2 years I guess since I wrote something here. A lot of water has flown past. We have Janmejay with us :-) , Devagya will turn 2 soon. Farm will be almost 6 years old, a lot of trees have grown 6 feet plus. Life has moved quite a bit. But the emptiness, the purposelessness remains !
I've no idea how these two years passed by, when Devagya grew up from that infant in my hands to this hard to catch boy in the playgrounds ! I am living asleep, no inspirations to wake up. Life is passing me by, I know i am running out of time, I know the timebomb is ticking and soon I'll be dead and yet - all that matters most to me is that Samosa, that little appreciation from society, that high of happiness !
I wonder why we wait for that disasater in our life to take that strong stand. It is so damn comfortable to be living in comfort zone, not change , not drive your life but to just keep flowing ! It's so easy and dissatisfying at the end of it. What's worth - to live your life at peak of awareness , activity and silence - calls for a different kind of discipline, order, commitment, sacrifice ! - which doesn't come easily. Most often a disaster in our lives trigger it ! We all wait for it, if it doesn't happen - we vegetate for all our life.
Fuh ! How can I let life pass just like that ? I feel bad. I feel that I am being unjust to all the gifts given to me and yet I am unable to act.
THis inability also stems from lack of clarity - what should I do ? Shall I get back to corporate ? Shall I immerse myself more in farm life - ? Shall I rather shift to Bhopal so that I can live with my parents ? Shall I work as per my preferences on Spirituality, Giftculture or do something more socially acceptable ? Help my brother? Shall I open a school for my two blessings ? If I leave, what will happen to Shantanu ? To Tapan's investment ? Shall I apply for a course ? Shall I just let things be as they are , accept them and move on ?
Frankly, no idea !
All I know is that some action/inaction is around the corner if I am not to vegetate.
Love and Gratitude to dear God for being so very kind everytime.
I've no idea how these two years passed by, when Devagya grew up from that infant in my hands to this hard to catch boy in the playgrounds ! I am living asleep, no inspirations to wake up. Life is passing me by, I know i am running out of time, I know the timebomb is ticking and soon I'll be dead and yet - all that matters most to me is that Samosa, that little appreciation from society, that high of happiness !
I wonder why we wait for that disasater in our life to take that strong stand. It is so damn comfortable to be living in comfort zone, not change , not drive your life but to just keep flowing ! It's so easy and dissatisfying at the end of it. What's worth - to live your life at peak of awareness , activity and silence - calls for a different kind of discipline, order, commitment, sacrifice ! - which doesn't come easily. Most often a disaster in our lives trigger it ! We all wait for it, if it doesn't happen - we vegetate for all our life.
Fuh ! How can I let life pass just like that ? I feel bad. I feel that I am being unjust to all the gifts given to me and yet I am unable to act.
THis inability also stems from lack of clarity - what should I do ? Shall I get back to corporate ? Shall I immerse myself more in farm life - ? Shall I rather shift to Bhopal so that I can live with my parents ? Shall I work as per my preferences on Spirituality, Giftculture or do something more socially acceptable ? Help my brother? Shall I open a school for my two blessings ? If I leave, what will happen to Shantanu ? To Tapan's investment ? Shall I apply for a course ? Shall I just let things be as they are , accept them and move on ?
Frankly, no idea !
All I know is that some action/inaction is around the corner if I am not to vegetate.
Love and Gratitude to dear God for being so very kind everytime.
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